Bhe Part 3

Mga bekimae, eto na ang huling part ng Bhe series (sana lang may nagtityagang magbasa ng buhay ko)... I hope! Choz!

Naging kmi na nga ni Bhe ng araw na un. Ako ang nagtanong sa kanya kung pedeng maging kmi na officially and she said yes right away. I was so happy that day. At the same time, I felt more vulnerable. Ang gulo? I know that you know what I mean.

Ganitey kasi...

I was thinking then na baka nabibigla lang ako. I was also thinking, at the back of my mind, na baka magamit ko lang sya. Na baka this is my way of denying my true calling. Sobrang natakot ako non. Mahal ko sya pero ayoko syang masaktan dahil alam ko baka lalaki pa din ang hahanapin ko. Napaka-makasarili ko talaga.

Takot. Ang daming tanong. Gulong gulo ako sa pinasok ko.

Nag-pray ako after makauwi na sana, magawa ko syang mahalin ng buong buo, na kaya kong talikuran ang nakaraan na alam kong will haunt me forever. Then she called. And I was saved. She has always been the one who can calm my wretched thoughts, thanks bhe!

During the time na we were together, nabawasan ang pgtingin-tingin ko sa ibang lalake. Infairnez, ni minsan d ako ng-j/o in front of gorgeous men sa internet while we were a couple! Hehe 8 months un mga ateng! Winner! As in, sa kanya na talaga umikot mundo ko. I was determined to take care of her and to make our relationship last.

Days past. Months past. I could never ask for more. She met my long time friends in Tagaytay. She met my family and I met hers. We were planning our lives together. We were inseparable. I never thought I could love someone that much, I never dreamed I could be happiest with a girl. For some time, I believed I was a new person starting to see my first rainbow. And she made those all happen.

A few months past ulit, like in every relationship, may mga d kmi napagkakasunduan. Hanggang it all piled up, na hindi ko na ma-control.
And then I met Jericho. And my world turned upside down.

My world that I worked so hard to build was now seeing its end. It made me weaker and even more fragile.

After a few weeks after i met him, lagi na kaming ng-aaway ni Bhe tuwing mgkikita kame. Kadalasan dahil sa akin, napansin na kasi nya na parang nabawasan na ang oras ko sa kanya. Nagka-asiman na kame kumbaga. After all those months, my world is starting to fall apart, unti-unti, and her starting to point it all out. And wala naman akong masisisi kundi sarili ko lang. Naging marupok ako. Lumabas ang mga pakpak kong akala ko e naputol ko na.

Naging matatag si bhe, she never gave up on me. I asked her for a break up after a huge fight. Ayaw nya. We can work things out daw. D ko na talaga kaya mga kapatid, ang sakit lang isipin na kasama ko sya pero ibang tao ang nasa isip ko. Parang sasabog ako anytime. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to be unfair to her also. Ayoko na sya dayain, becase she deserve so much more than my shit.

A couple of months of more fighting and arguements. I was determined to end it up. Sobrang damaged na ko, I need out. At alam ko, dobleng pasakit ang dinadala nya kumpara sa dala ko.

D kmi ni Jericho at that time, at hndi naging kme. Ever! I avoided him, and spent more time with Bhe again. But my efforts are lame.

I asked for a time out from her. She gave me my time, but I can sense that something is wrong with her actions. I went to Ilocos alone because I needed to find myself, na dahil sa kagaguhan ko, hndi ko na alam kung sino at nasaan na ba ako.
I came back a few days later thinking i was fixed. She was not her usual self when I came back. She was a different person because of me. I destroyed her.

I tried suppressing my suspicions of what is really happening. But the dark thoughts, overpowered me. I was self destructing. My work is affected and even a colleague pointed that out. I was a walking dead.

Bhe, changed. She became cold, colder than the i last time i remember. I noticed that and I'm not blaming her. I was the fucked up gay guy, who messed her life. She became indifferent. Now i was the one holding on to our future.

I found out from reading her phone messages that he is in touch with a guy. Pakialamero kasi ako! Hehe I confronted her for it and demanded for an explanation. She explained everything to me. We cried like there was no tomorrow. She told me everything about the new guy, and all i was able to do was listen and cry. D ko sya kayang sumbatan. Silently, sinusumbatan ko ang sarili ko for letting this all happen.

Nakipag-break ako sa kanya, tinanggap nya agad. Ang sakit lang, kasi akala ko ako ang pipiliin nya. Inaasahan ko na gaya ng dati, sasabihin nyang kaya pa natin tong ayusin. Pero matagal ng sira, d na kayang ayusin. Sabi ko sa kanya, "kung san ka masaya dun ka, pipilitin kong tanggapin at try kong maging happy. I'll be okay, don't worry." And then we parted ways...

Akala ko kahit masakit, yun ang tama. Hindi pala. Nung nawala xa d ko pala kaya. Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat ng bagay. Ngkukulong lang ako sa kwarto at sad music lang ang kasama. Tinatawagan ko sya, d sya sumasagot. Ni text, wala. Hanggang sa nagpalit na ata ng number, d ko na rin sya mkita sa fezbuk. Leche! Gusto kong magwala! Ilang araw akong d pumasok, paalam ko may trangkaso. Inubos ko lahat ng luha ko. Sa pagiisip na sapat na yun. Pero sa tulong ng mga kaibigan, ng mga malulungkot na kanta at bumubukal na alak, e nakalimot dn naman ako.

They became a couple, bhe and the guy, after a few months. I was hurt, but not enough to make me succumb to depression again. I took it one day at a time, and i made it through. I wish both of them the best. Wala naman akong masasabing ill kay bhe. Like you know, she was the sweetest girl ever! Oh db baklang-bakla lang! Confirmed! Hehe

Thinking back sa mga nangyare, sa mga pasakit na naidulot ko sa kanya, i can't help but feel awful. Ginago ko xa. Ang sama ko lang.

Pero when looking back on what we had, i can't help but smile din. It was all worth the pain. We are both stronger and wiser now.

It was all in the past. She has moved on and I've done the same.

And wish ko lng, ang susunod kong relasyon e sa lalaki na! With Bhe nga lang pala ang relationship ko so far. Puro one night stand lang e, leche! Choz!

To Bhe, cheers! You will always be my baby.


PS. Hanggang ngayon walang idea si bhe na gurlaloo dn akey. Kaya mga shupatid, wit madaldal! hehe


Salamat!

-da